Hi

Hi blog, long time no see. This time, I need to do some self indulgence since she really got mad at me. I...I don't know what to say. All I can say is that everything that happened is entirely my fault. So, I am definitely will not blame her, even a bit. This is my trouble. These are all the things that she said to me that night. I know, I'm not doing this for revenge or anything. Just a reminder for me so that I won't do it again, and to keep it iin my mind until the day I...how should I know when? At least it's better for me to keep this in mind.

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its about us having nothing more in between

its about u who keeps on disturbing me

i told u not to contact me in daily basis
but i guess that statement fell on deaf ears

please just forget about we even have something together
because i have already put that behind


thats what u said each and everytime
sorry
minta maaf
it wont do any good  now


i've been giving u too many chances that u stepped on
mindlessly


stop poking your nose into my personal life
stop stalking me everywhere u can


and please stop going around crying out loud acting as if i'm the bad person
just like what u did back in intec

i EXPECT u to do it

and that comes from the person who said they purposely make me mad just so that they could talk to me

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And it happened just a day after I decided my mind on something. What a cruel life I'm living in. But no complaints~ What happened cannot be undone. There is this one thing that I regretted I didn't tell her. I'll put it somewhere in this blog so I won't forget.

The only reason that I can't stay away from her (giving her space and time) is because I am really afraid that if she still mad at me about the things that I'd done to her in the past (2009-2010). But after she said she only mad at me because I bother her almost everyday (Jan 4th 2011, early morning), I am totally relieved, and I think the biggest guilt I've ever carried has been lifted away from me. I really really wanted to stop nagging her everyday after that, but since she will start class by Jan 5th, I thought I contact her for the last time at Jan 4th. I wanted to told her that I want her to give me this last chance to contact her at Jan 4th because I determined to not to contact her after that. But I didn't told her that. I know, even if I told her, nothing much will change. And the event happened. She got mad at me. I don't know what's wrong with me.

There's nothing else I can do, really. I will respect what she wants and give her that. I think it is better this way. I don't know why am I so weak-willed like this, so hard to give her just some space and time.

At least this time, I won't cry. Before this, the only reason I can't help myself but to nag her is because I felt insecure due to my guilt of what I did to her. But after she said that she is not mad at me anymore about that, I don't think there's anymore reason for me to feel more insecure. It just that, I am kinda sad that this thing happened just when I truly determined to not bother her everyday. But it's ok, I'll be alright.

I know I was the stupid one to step on the chances that she gave to me. But regretting won't do much right now. I'll do what she EXPECT me to do. I'm in no position to ask anything from her anymore, to get mad at her, or even to blame her on anything. It's purely my faults.